she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
