honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
