i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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