I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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