I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
