He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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