Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
40s are totally the cure
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
