What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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