Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
