I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I pour the whiskey from now on
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
