You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
