hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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