Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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