I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
