So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
