Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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