I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
