I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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