She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
