Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
