Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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