Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
