im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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