She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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