So drunk, too bad you don't want this
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
