she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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