he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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