I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
