I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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