The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
