new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
