So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
