The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
