i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
