When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
