party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
