Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
