plz talk dirty to me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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