seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
