just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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