just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
why is half of my head shaved?
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