I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All the doctor said was why
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
