That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
