oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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