There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
