I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
