I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
