dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
