just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
