Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
