I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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