Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
