I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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